I’m not gonna lie. For the past few months, I’ve been feeling under. Being an expat has forced me out of my comfort zone in more ways than one. I knew it isn’t going to be easy. Change is messy. But no one ever said it would be this hard (aah, Coldplay can relate). While I know I was (and still am) growing, it felt like I was growing all over the place.
I am drowning, drenched with so many things to do – expectations, responsibilities, pressure – just to hustle and keep up with this fast-paced world. I did not let anyone see that I’m struggling because on the outside, I looked successful. I looked like I’m living the dream. And I really want it to be real but behind it all, I’m just as lost and lonely and confused. And what hurts most is I feel like I didn’t have the right to breakdown or feel this way because I seemed to be doing well. My heart is aching inside but I refused to let it be known.
The struggle has become too familiar. Endless. I wonder what’s the point of praying anymore. But that’s when God reminds me:
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. {James 1:12}
Just like that, I knew He gave me the heart for it. The courage to stay in the battle and be an overcomer. He will bring good from this. He always does. I’ve never been in a situation where God took something from me and failed to slip through an upgrade, so for that I am forever thankful.
It doesn’t make sense now but I won’t deny this truth — it is in the stretching that we grow. :)
